You know that feeling you get when you have a million projects that scream they’re Priority ONE and you wish you could double the hours in a day that you have to even make a dent in them, and you can’t help but wonder how badly you’re disappointing everyone you know by NOT BEING LESS of yourself…and you keep on going with this line of thought until you simply can’t BREATHE.
And that’s when you look up, right?
YEAH. I’m right there with you.
And you’d think with all this training I have and all this work I do every single day that I would never have those moments…
And yet—I DO.
There’s one thing different in my life these days that I had never heard of all those decades ago when this was my everyday experience—I learned this fabulous word that I’m so delighted to share with you:
NORMALIZE
My BFF, who’s also a coach, uses it all the time—and it’s been such an intrinsic part of so many of our conversations that it’s simply the truth for me now.
- Normalize = to allow or encourage something previously considered extreme or even taboo to be viewed as “normal.”
- Normal = something that is considered usual, typical or routine.
Out of The Closet with my Personal 411
Several weeks ago, I came out of the proverbial closet and unapologetically shared with you my political mission for this election. One thing that helped tip the scales for me was the idea that I wanted to normalize my passion for this country and for democracy, despite the taboo of discussing politics that has been a social norm for me for over four decades. So I effectively normalized a taboo—and transformed my fear of alienating people I care deeply about; in other words, YOU.
It worked.
And it’s totally OK if anyone who reads this disagrees with me, because if it’s normal for me to have political views that I’m passionate about it’s totally OK for everyone in this Everyday Communication Sorcery Community to have your own, too—and we can also totally disagree.
FEELING THAT IS SOOOO COOL.
And then this past week I got overwhelmed with all the things I was focused on accomplishing and I never got to more than HALF of them, including last week’s Playbook.
That’s when—yesterday—I had a MOMENT like the one in my opening paragraph.
Fortunately I remembered something else I learned from my BFF, Cindy Ho, at her latest monthly Wellbeing Café, that she hosts from Melbourne Australia, with her husband and partner, Shrijesh Kadka, on a Saturday night.
The topic was the many “parts” we humans have—the parts we’re proud of and the parts we wish would disappear (especially the parts that we disapprove of so deeply that we never want anyone to know about them.)
Cindy regularly holds the space for AAAALLLL the parts of us—she often says, “all parts of you are welcome here” and she is serious about that. So this month when she was facilitating the conversation where were all recognizing that we each had parts that we wished we didn’t have, she asked us this powerful question:
“Can you LOVE that part of you?”
Our silence in that moment was a clear indication that we were all checking in with ourselves and considering it.
So on Sunday morning when I was feeling so overwhelmed and judging myself for it, I heard Cindy’s smooth and gentle voice in my head: “Can you LOVE THIS PART of you?”
As crazy as it sounds to report it, this was the moment when I hugged myself and started laughing.
Full disclosure: I often say to myself, “It’s OK, Maia—it’s all OK right now” because that one practice helps me feel safe in every situation, which keeps my brain up and running. It also transforms any crappy situation into one that will provide me with lots of great stories for my classes and my Playbook episodes and my coaching clients—so I can count (mostly) everything that happens to me as “good” which also keeps my brain online.
Full disclosure: I often say to myself, “It’s OK, Maia—it’s all OK right now” because that one practice helps me feel safe in every situation, which keeps my brain up and running. It also transforms any crappy situation into one that will provide me with lots of great stories for my classes and my Playbook episodes and my coaching clients—so I can count (mostly) everything that happens to me as “good” which also keeps my brain online.
This Sunday morning, in the depths of judging myself for what felt like a failure, Cindy’s question allowed me to expand the parts of me that I can normalize and LOVE—which transformed them from “bad” to “good” and kept my brain online.
And SHEESH! That felt so cool that I’m definitely going to keep on doing it. Now that you know about it, I hope you will, too.
OK. So Now What?
So to wrap up our conversation about Love this week, I’m including a short list of some things that I’ve come to love about myself, despite the fact that they haven’t always been the qualities I was in any hurry to brag about…
As you read through this list, I invite you to think of the qualities about yourself that might fit into this category: things that are true about you that you would be willing to look at with a loving eye, even though they might not yet feel worth bragging about…
Here we go:
- I’m neurodivergent—so I’ve always been “a little different.” After years of feeling embarrassed by this, I’ve come to see it as my superpower. As a result, I’ve become exceptionally unapologetic, which helps me tremendously, although this isn’t always fun for some other people.
- I’m highly sensitive—so although I pick up subtle clues about a lot of things others don’t notice, I also get overwhelmed easily; my response is to shut down until I can rebalance myself. As a result, I have gotten really skilled at saying NO (also not fun for everyone, as much as it always helps ME.)
- I never take a breath without a FEELING—which can be annoying, depending on the people present and the context. This also means that I’ve spent decades being exceptionally committed to maneuvering the world of feelings and sharing what I learn with my Community.
- I’ve learned over the past three decades how to bring my own feelings of “safety” with me. My best strategy is music—a wide variety that taps into a specific feeling depending on the situation (no surprise I have about 10 different BTS playlists). That’s why I never leave my house without headphones! No matter where I am or what’s going on around me, I use my headphones and my playlists to keep myself feeling safe and calm, which also keeps my brain working. (It’s also true that there are folks who are offended by my use of my wired headphones in the midst of a variety of conversations when I need to stay present.)
- When I get scared, I get angry—I’m instantly in “protector” mode. I need time, space (and a playlist with my headphones!) to get back to calm.
- I have absolutely no sense of time. (I have clocks and timers all around my house—and yet, 20% of the time that doesn’t help.) So I’m either a little bit “late” or exceptionally “early.”
That’s enough for now, eh? It’s not all of me, just some low hanging fruit to inspire you to look at the parts of yourself that make you YOU. If you, like, me, have discovered things about yourself that may feel less than positive, I hope you’ve also found that these are the ones that make you the unique and wonderful Human that you are.
Meanwhile, I hope I’ve normalized the idea that ALL of these parts of ourselves deserve our Love, if only to keep us feeling safe and calm, so our brains will work!
So, hey, what’s Love got to do with it?
Meanwhile, I hope I’ve normalized the idea that ALL of these parts of ourselves deserve our Love, if only to keep us feeling safe and calm, so our brains will work!
So, hey, what’s Love got to do with it?
ONLY EVERYTHING!!
Until next time…