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Talk Back?? You Bet! – Part 3

You know that feeling you get when you’re beating yourself up inside your own head about some trivial thing you did—or didn’t do—and—
 
WAIT!
You’re not doing that so much anymore, right?
And that’s because:
Now you know what that is.
It’s simply a Gremlin.
 
If you’ve joined me for the past 2 episodes, you’ve gotten the 411 about Gremlins:
  1. You know that beating yourself up is a learned behavior that comes from being gaslit (i.e. socialized by [typically] well-meaning parents who needed you to be obedient and quiet as you grew up, and who used a variety of crafty strategies to keep you focused on outside authority and their rules instead of connecting you to your own inner knowing … To be fair, nobody ever taught them any better either.)
  2. There are time-tested strategies to combat the effects of being gaslight as a child. Now that you’re an adult with full sovereignty over your life, you can use the three most useful ones, based in the art and science of Addictions Recovery:

    1. Name it & Claim it: you have power over anything you can call by its name
    2. The Last Person to Speak Wins: this is the key to TALKING BACK.
    3. Anything worth doing well is worth repeating: this is how you build any muscle, skill, or practice, including the practice of handling any Gremlin who shows up. 
Now you know everything you need to know about Gremlins and you’re ready for my recipe to:
 
OUT Your Gremlin!
 
The next time you hear all that negative yammering in your head, do this instead:
  1. Step 1: Stop and breathe—that will temporarily shut up your Gremlin. You’ll notice there’s no noise for a moment.
     
  2. Step 2: Immediately pay attention to these details—this works best if you have a friend to ask you these questions—I promise you, the answers will emerge:
  • Is this your voice or someone else’s?
    • If yours: Tell yourself it’s time to stop. You’ve been gaslit—you can stop it now.
    • OR
    • If not your voice: More often than not, you’ll realize that this voice doesn’t sound like you—it sounds like someone else. (THAT’S GREAT! KEEP GOING)
  • Is this voice male or female—or gender-neutral?
  • Is this voice older than you, your same age or younger than you?
  • Is this voice coming from someone taller than you, the same height or shorter?
  • Now you have enough details to discern something new. So look more closely: what color is it? (Very often it’s not any flesh tone—and yeah, it’s weird. No worries. It’s simply a part of you doing its best to get your attention. Now that you’re paying attention, you’ll pick up a lot more details that were previously invisible because now you’re looking.)
  • Finally, you’re ready for the most important question: “What’s your name?” It’s funny how this works—because you’ve tapped into your Unconscious with all these questions. When you ask this one, 99% of the time you will INSTANTLY hear a name. You can trust it—I don’t know how these parts of us get names, since everyone’s different. There’s one thing I do know, though—from over 20 years of working with Gremlins—the minute you get their name, you have everything you need to control them.
  1. Step 3: Call it by its name. It’s been bossing you around and hounding you for ages. Now you turn the tables on it by focusing your attention on it. I promise you—weird as this is—you will feel differently the moment you say their name. It’s exactly like putting a flashlight on your closet at night when you were little and scared. 
     
  2. Step 4: Give it a new job. This is the very best part because all Gremlins are great at something. Up to now, it’s been something annoying like yelling at you for being late or fussing about how bad you look or pointing out everything you missed. These parts specialize in details—so give them some other details to contribute. Transform their negative impact into a positive one. For example:
    1. If they’re always yelling at you because you’re late, make them in charge of your time. Now they’re helping you to be on top of your time, which is a lot more fun.
    2. If they’re always fussing at you because of how you look, make them in charge of your wardrobe—ask and listen. You’ll be astonished at how helpful it can be to have a personal dresser instead of a fussy critic!
    3. If they’re always pointing out everything you missed, make them in charge of details. Call them by name and ask, “what am I missing?” before they catch you at it. 
That’s all there is to it:
  1. Catch them when they show up—because now you know who they are. (Work through those questions for every new Gremlin—you’ll start to recognize them as they appear.)
  2. Call them by name—YOU are the boss of them!
  3. Give them a new job—now they can actively help you (which is all they want anyway) because you’re on the same team.
Does this all sound too crazy to be true?? (I know—it can.)
 
If you want to get a head start on trying this out for yourself, July is your month.
 
I LOVE WORKING WITH GREMLINS!! That’s why I have scheduled 12 free 60-minute zoom sessions in July where we will engage any Gremlin you have. If you want to be one of the 12 people I will work with this month, simply reply to this email and we’ll find a time that works for us both. I WOULD LOVE TO MEET YOUR GREMLINS—and I promise you, we will have FUN.
 
Happy Gremlin Hunting!

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