You know that feeling you get when That One Person comes into the room and you want to turn around and look for another exit? Or when you’re having a great time at some gathering and That One Person walks in and ruins the whole thing for you? There’s always THAT ONE, like the one bad apple that spoils the whole barrel.

 

Right? I hate when that happens.

 

Full disclosure: that used to happen to me A LOT—and not just in business settings. I used to think I was a magnet for people who were hell bent on dismissing/disparaging/ disapproving of me. I used to think that my life would benefit mightily if I never had to be around any of those a$$h0Les ever again.

 

And hey, yeah—it’s so easy to look outside of ourselves and see something we don’t like in another person. On the one hand, we can see clearly that it’s NOT US. On the other hand, when it’s outside of us, there’s really nothing we can do about it.

 

 

My experience of other people being the problem got dismantled in 1984 when I learned that each of us is hard-wired with a particular set of communication styles and preferences that can be mapped out.

 

(WHAT???) True story!

 

All those decades ago, I discovered something called “the structure of experience” and it totally blew my mind. When I started to see other people’s behaviors with this new lens, I was curious to see if what I was learning in my classes actually had any application in real life.

 

The more I saw that it did, the more I wanted to learn everything about these communication patterns that could be mapped out. Before too long, it became my passion in life—and my decades of working with it and learning about it led me directly to becoming The Communication Sorceress.

 

 

My big opportunity to use everything I’d learned about being with a “difficult person” arrived in 2001 with a new boss I got at a job I loved. After being very successful there for almost 2 years, my experience transformed overnight from “pure heaven” into “the fiery pits of hell” because this guy was That One Person for me. He disliked me so much that he made it his mission to get me fired.

 

Fortunately, my work was in the classroom; not only were my evaluations stellar, I was bringing in lots of additional business from companies who brought me in-house to train their folks. Unfortunately, I needed the job and couldn’t walk.

 

That’s when it became completely irrelevant that he was That One Person. Nobody cared. When I went over his head to the owner of the company who I had great rapport with, he told me that it was my job to make this guy—my new boss—happy.

 

EXPLETIVE.

 

So there I was. My choice was either to make it about That One Person and be helpless to do anything about the character assassination he was carrying out in the boardroom OR figure out how to change the conversation.

 

 

It took me 6 months of focused efforts to transform our weekly phone calls, his experience of me and his reports to the boardroom about me. It took me another 6 months of continuing my focused efforts before I found a big enough training client to re-start my private practice again and leave that company.

 

My WIN: When I gave this boss my two-week’s notice, he told me how sad he was that I was leaving, complimented my work for the past year and offered to give me a glowing reference anytime I needed one.

 

 

 

In case you’re wondering what the heck I could possibly have done to change that conversation, I have good news for you: I’m going to share three of my simplest strategies this Thursday, April 25, at 7PM EDT in a 90-minute FREE session.

 

Here’s what’s waiting for you when you click on the registration link below:

REGISTER HERE:

 

Have a phenomenal week!