You know that feeling you get when something happens that’s so far outside of what OUGHT to be happening that it seems to grab you by the shoulders and SHAKE you? When something sooooo threatens the very fabric of your life that you practically burst into FLAMES over it??

 

Yep. That would be a totally NORMAL expression of your ANGER.

 

And if you read last week’s post, you know exactly what Anger IS:

 

Now that we’ve had The ANGER TALK, you know that:

 

Given the biological fact that anger is the physical alarm that our boundaries are being threatened, anything that threatens those boundaries—given the wide variety of what constitutes a boundary for each of us—has the potential to trigger our anger.

In general, though, the first place to look for HOW we get triggered is to look at our Energy Level. When it’s HIGH, we’re well rested, we’re feeling physically and mentally strong; we’re feeling well-nourished and SAFE.

 

It takes a lot to trigger our anger. 

And here’s WHY: Think of a physical structure that’s well built and well-fortified against attack. No surprise that it’s gonna take something pretty big for any of the guards to signal an alarm. Most attacks are gonna be inconsequential, since they’ll bounce right off the walls—you might even find those guards looking down and laughing at the inadequacy of their attackers.

 

 

When your energy is strong, you can put up with a lot more aggravation or frustration without feeling that your boundaries are being violated.

 

You can see “ignorance” in other people’s—even aggressive—behavior. You can ignore their snide remarks without taking it personally—because frankly, their opinion of you is none of your business, since it’s really all about them anyway. And if you don’t like something you get or something somebody is doing, you don’t have to suppress anything, you can simply call it out and ask for what you want instead.

 

On the other hand, a physical structure that’s poorly built and falling apart needs a lot more attention to its boundaries, since they can so easily be breached.

 

In that case, anyone and anything can be as dangerous to us as that Fairy Tale Wolf outside the doors of 2 of those Three Little Pigs: “I’ll huff, and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down!” because it takes absolutely NOTHING to set off our boundary alarm. (In other words, a “hair trigger” for anger.)

 

Here’s WHY: When we’re frustrated, dissatisfied, hungry, sleep-deprived—or afraid—we might as well be built of straw or sticks, because we have no defense against even the slightest behaviors from others that don’t fit what we think is “right.” It takes almost nothing for our anger alarm to go off—our instant protection for our boundaries being violated.

And, no surprise, more often than not, it’s one of the three varieties of unhealthy anger…

 

It turns out that the folks who are the most angry at the most things in this world are often the ones who are the most afraid, as well as the most physically depleted…because fear and anger are directly related to our innate Fight or Fly response. These three biological facts are true for all of us:

 

 

What do you think about the connection between Anger and Fear and Boundaries and Energy? What questions—or comments—do you have about today’s episode? I’d love to hear your thoughts—feel free to reply to this email!

 

Next week we’ll explore some strategies for having the most amount of choice when you feel angry as well as ways you can deepen your important relationships by adding Healthy Anger into your conversations.