You know that feeling you get when you believe that you have TOTALLY SCREWED UP—TOTALLY DROPPED THE BALL—TOTALLY BLOWN IT?
Do you find it toooo easy to mentally slap the sh*t outta yourself and start beating yourself up unmercifully? Do you find that you just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers up over your head, or instantly leave the building, slam the door and never come back??
Do you find it toooo easy to mentally slap the sh*t outta yourself and start beating yourself up unmercifully? Do you find that you just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers up over your head, or instantly leave the building, slam the door and never come back??
OH YEAH. I’m right there with you—at least when it comes to my ancient instinct to start the beating.
Fortunately, the minute I raise my hand, another instinct takes over. It’s one that I have honed over decades: the mere thought of beating myself triggers it into action.
Raising my arm like that—even mentally—instantly triggers me to take a deep breath and let it out sloooooowly. That leads me to take another sloooooow breath—and often another one. The minute I see that arm, my breathing prompts me to say NO with my whole body—and that saves me.
Every single time.
OK. I Blew It
Last week I totally blew off writing this Playbook—and getting ready for the repeat of the phenomenal first session of this month’s Masterclass, that I had scheduled for this Thursday, April 18. It’s weird how it happened—and it’s only by allowing myself to “blow it” with you that I discovered the gifts it brought me.
After our first session on April 5, I was so HIGH after spending 90 minutes with that phenomenal group of people that it took me awhile to come down.
Once I did, I jumped right back into the personal work I’ve been doing for the past several months—in another part of my life where I’ve finally decided to step away from a longtime relationship that has become unsustainable.
That’s when I hit the grief.
From euphoria right straight into grief. Sheesh.
Fortunately, Everyday Communication Sorcery helps me to choose my feelings in any moment. For the past week, I chose to get deeply curious about the big black hole of grief I was feeling, one that was completely different than any other grief I’ve known, and one that I had no words for.
That’s how I discovered in this book I’m reading about trauma (Your Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk) that the key speech centers in our brain shut down in the midst of high emotional stress—like grief or trauma—which is why so many of us lose the ability to put what we’re feeling into words. Finding this out was only one huge gift I got last week, simply by taking the time to be with myself.
Exploring my experience—using my new skills of doing it without chasing and without escaping—gave me the gift of understanding why I had no words for my Playbook or my planning last week, as well as the language to bring it all back to you.
It also cost me an unexpected week away from my timeline and left me gasping with an “oh sh*t!” when I came back to my office on Sunday.
Who’s Judging??
When I make up that taking care of myself means that I am letting YOU down, I feel pretty crappy…until—fortunately—that crappy feeling triggers me to pay attention to what’s really going on. I truly believe in this phrase I coined years ago: “When You Feel Like Crap, It’s an Unconscious Trap!”
So who was judging me as “blowing it??” Who sets my timeline against their watch and points out my lack of consistency? Who says that I’m lazy or bad or wrong—or anything else?
Dammit. That would be ME. (Check this out for yourself—who’s judging you?)
And breeeeeeeeathe.
And breeeeeeeeathe.
What’s The Learning?
So let’s cut to the chase.
After all these years, this is where my training kicks in, where I look for the learning, for the report I am always going to make to you. Here are the Top 3 Things I Learned this week:
- Nobody is judging me but myself. I’m the one who decides my value and my worth. The moment I find myself judging me harshly, it’s my signal to BREATHE and then question my circumstances: What do I need to learn here? What—if anything—do I want to do differently next time?
- There will always be times when I let down the people I care most about—because I’m human. It’s part of life and it happens to all of us. My job is to tell the truth and ask for understanding and/or forgiveness, knowing that I will either get it or I won’t. Either way is OK when I understand that I am only accountable for me.
- The one person in the world who I have the ability to never let down is myself. As I continue to trust myself and take care of myself, I am better able to trust that there will always be people around me who will trust me, too, remembering that we’re all humans doing our best.
Thank you! I appreciate you being in my Community and sharing this journey with me. You’re the reason I do this work!
PS: If you missed the first Masterclass (How to Make Any Conversation Easier—Especially The Ones That Drive You NUTS!) on April 5 and want to join me for the repeat on the new date of Thursday April 25, at 7PM EDT here’s the registration link: https://us02web.zoom.us/
PPS: If you know someone who would benefit from this Playbook—or even just enjoy it—please forward this email! Thank you for helping me get the word out to as many people as humanly possible! (And if you got this email from a friend, you can easily subscribe to this playbook at the bottom of my home page.)
Have a phenomenal week!