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Hell Yes, You Can Do Something About It! – Part 2

So yeah.
 
There’s that feeling you get when you’re on the other side of something you’ve conquered.
 
Then there’s that moment right after you conquer something you’ve suffered through as the result of being gaslit, and you finally feel it in your bones that you are the boss of your own life.
 
HELL YES. These three antidotes will get you there.
 
Last week you saw the first two antidotes to being gaslit:
  1. Talk Nice to Yourself—it’s the most profound practice you can use for the rest of your life.
  2. Rescue Your Inner Child—although we only got halfway through it, I hope you’ll keep reading for the:
(Quick) Inner Child Recap
  • Humans are complicated beings who are made up of different elements, or “parts” as a result of our life experiences
  • Your Inner Child is simply the “parts” of you that are still little, for a variety of reasons.
  • Being gaslit as a child may have left you with “parts” that have been shamed, blamed, yelled at, dismissed, and simply not given the opportunity to learn and grow. It’s like we get “stuck” in certain ages, because we haven’t been adequately nourished and guided.
Antidote #2: Rescue Your Inner Child
 
This antidote is based on two ideas:
  1. Most people have “parts” that haven’t been adequately nourished and guided.
  2. Since you’re reading this article, you now have options to nourish and guide those “parts” of yourself.
Now imagine what any child in the world would need when they are scared or mad or hungry or tired or confused—or even proud of themselves, or surprised or delighted. When you love a child, you want to be right there for them and help them to grow and thrive. This antidote will help you do this for YOURSELF.
 
There are three simple and sustainable steps:
  • Step 1: Realize that you have an Inner Child who will make her/his presence known when you’re paying attention. This one step is 95% of your success: it gives you the key to being a responsive parent to yourself. Over time you can even erase the effects of your childhood gaslighting.
     
  • Step 2: Recognize that the presence of your Inner Child = when you’re waaay more emotional than your current situation requires. Think about it: things that an adult can take in their stride are often overwhelming to a child. The adult learns to handle things through experience; if the child is shut down in the midst of trying, s/he will get stuck there. So when you feel “stuck” or overwhelmed for any reason, your first practice is to BREATHE and HUG YOURSELF. That will calm your Inner Child, so you can access the adult “part” of you and take care of yourself. 
     
  • Step 3: Imagine there are two of you. As an adult, you have the resources (including being able to ask for help) that the child doesn’t. You can put those resources to use for your Inner Child.
    1. Just the act of consciously separating the adult part of you from the child part of you can help you to get into action—exactly as you would if a real child needed your help.
    2. Now find out: “What exactly does this child part of you NEED?” It might be as simple as a nap or some food or a walk outside in the sunshine. It might be more complicated, like reassurance that s/he can get through (whatever it is) or some answers from someone who knows what to do, even if you don’t (you can use your resources and you can ask for help).
    3. Whatever it is, all of your previously successful life experiences as an adult make you perfectly suited to help this kid to grow through whatever s/he is facing now. That is the essence of this rescue—as well as the foundation of you becoming more and more yourself—while you become less and less gaslit.
Antidote #3: Question EVERYTHING With a Power What IF…?
 
The hallmark of being gaslit is that you’re convinced that you don’t know anything—even if it’s only in certain areas of your life. You’ve doubted yourself in this context for so long that you look for all of your answers outside yourself. You’ve had little or no trust in yourself.
 
When you’re first getting started, Talking Nice to Yourself and Rescuing Your Inner Child are the most sustainable practices you can take on to immediately erode the effects of being gaslit. This is how you begin to take your life back,
 
Meanwhile, our final antidote is a lifelong practice that will not only keep you from ever being gaslit again, it will help you to deepen your practice of the first two antidotes.
 
When I learned about the power of asking a “What IF? question several decades ago, I knew I had found a real treasure.
 
Here’s why:
  1. Neuroscientists have discovered that asking a question will short circuit your brain to shift from whatever you’re experiencing in the moment.
  2. Our conscious mind is wired for one major job–to find answers. In the absence of questions, we simply focus on what we “know” (whether it’s true or not).
  3. The minute you ask a question, your brain is genetically programmed to seek out the answer. We will always answer questions—it’s like we’re on a cosmic game show! (OBTW—asking questions is the superpower that has allowed humans to survive and thrive.)
IMPORTANT NOTE: Unlike the data-mining “who, what, when, where or how” kind of questions, when you ask a “what if?” question, your brain has to imagine or create something that has never existed before. You’re not asking for data—you’re asking for a new reality.
 
And this changes everything.
 
That’s why I created the strategy of “Ask a Power What IF…? Question.” It’s the perfect third antidote to attack the limits of being gaslit.
 
Here’s How It Works
 
Being gaslit, we’ve been programmed to believe 3 basic premises:
  • I don’t know anything
  • I can’t trust myself
  • Other people know more than/better than me
Now let’s bring on a Power What IF…? Question to each of these statements:
  • I don’t know anything—WHAT IF YOU DID?
  • I can’t trust myself—WHAT IF YOU COULD?
  • Other people know more than/better than me—WHAT IF THEY DON’T?
Asking a Power What IF…? Question is like
Earning a GET OUT OF JAIL FREE card.
Use It RELENTLESSLY!
 
Now you know there are three simple antidotes to the experience of being gaslit.
  • Antidote #1: Talk Nice to Yourself
  • Antidote #2: Rescue Your Inner Child
  • Antidote #3: Question EVERYTHING with a Power What IF…? Question
You can start using these antidotes anytime (although I do recommend using them in order). They are 100% effective when used consistently—and—when you make all three of them your regular practice, they become your instinct.
Dissolving the effects of being gaslit will soon come to you as naturally as breathing.
 
As always, I am walking right next to you, every step of the way.