What’s your feeling about speaking in public? Whatever your feeling is, odds are high there’s nothing lukewarm about it. It seems like there are basically two camps: either “give me that mic!” or “where’s the exit?!!”

Now here’s the crazy thing: we’re unanimous when it comes to enjoying the pleasure of hanging out with the people we love and having an engaging conversation. Our brains work, our mouths work, our words flow, laughter abounds and we’re all having a blast.

So what happens to “looking for the exit” folks when we even think about speaking in public? Last week we explored how the thoughts you have in the face of any emotion make all the difference in how you feel. This week and next week, let’s put that in real-time context so you can check it out for yourself.

Full disclosure: I have never chosen the exit when offered a speaking opportunity. 

Early in my career, I truly didn’t get what the big deal was for people I loved who were already out the door at the mere whiff of the request to speak. Their panic at the thought of speaking for 10 minutes to a group of 20 colleagues made no sense in the face of my delight at presenting a 90-minute keynote for an audience of 1800.

That’s when I got curious.

What could give me the same feeling of abject terror that I never felt as a speaker? It took me awhile to realize that the mere thought of singing in public stopped my breath—and my heart. All of a sudden, we were kindred spirits.

That’s where the real sorcery began—when I mapped it out so I could get around it.

In case you’re wondering how I went from breath-stopping, heart-stopping terror to “mapping it out,” I promise to share that story in a future issue. For today’s story, it’s worth sharing that I discovered in 1984 that EVERYTHING can be mapped out and understood. That’s when I began my life-changing study of “the structure of experience” that led me directly to our conversation.

So. This experience of speaking/singing terror has a structure. It’s based in your conscious thoughts as well as your unconscious memories and beliefs. You can map it out by slowing down the process and examining it objectively.

The thought “speaking—or singing—in public” starts the process. From our unconscious—a goldmine of everything we’ve ever seen, heard, thought, felt, touched, smelled, or tasted—comes an instant message that we aren’t aware of because it happens so quickly. We have a thought—and then we have a physical response to that thought. 

For those of us who are looking for that exit, we have had an experience with speaking (or singing) that left us feeling humiliated.

And let’s be clear about the definition of that word: “to reduce someone to a lower position in one’s own eyes or other’s eyes; to make (someone) ashamed or embarrassed: MORTIFY.”

No one in their right mind would seek that. So, it stands to reason that those of us who enjoy that mic are thinking differently.

Play of The Week: Check in with yourself about your feelings about speaking (or singing) in public. What do you think about it? How do feel about it as a result—and that includes your physical sensations.

Important Note: All you’re doing this week 
is checking and recording.

There’s no way to screw this up.

Until next week…

In trust and appreciation forever,

Maia