Who in your life are you excluding because their behavior drives you nuts?
We all have people in our lives whose behavior sets our teeth on edge. The more immersed we are in things that are important to us – and the more we are juggling in our lives – the easier it becomes to simply cancel these people. We’re moving too quickly through our days to come up with a better strategy to handle the aggravation we feel in their presence.
What if your success depended on your ability to engage even those people who drive you nuts?
The more diverse your range of relationships, the more powerful your communication impact is in all areas of your life.
Greater communication impact = greater success.
Let’s explore a 3-step strategy for increasing your communication ability with those people who pose the greatest challenge for you.
Step 1: Identify what it is that’s really bothering you about the other person’s behavior.
It’s easy to label someone–especially if you don’t like them. That label comes right out of your 1st Gear – and it’s the truth for you because it’s your subjective experience. You may already know that getting ‘stuck in 1st Gear’ leaves you powerless in every situation. (If you want to learn more about The Gears join me for a FREE 1 hour introductory PowerMoves teleclass.) So, the easy way to get past being stuck with the label you’ve given this person is to ‘shift into 3rd Gear’ and consider the entire situation without emotion. This logical strategy will allow you to map out the differences there are in your communication styles. Once you pinpoint the natural differences in your styles, you can clearly see that each of you are so different that you only have to wake up and breathe to annoy each other. Getting into 3rd Gear allows you to move past the emotion and the label. Doing that changes your experience. You’ll be surprised at how quickly a difficult situation can become simple.
Step 2: Identify what’s going on with you that contributes to your communication difficulties.
There are three major communication barriers that are the main culprits in situations like this.
You’re emotional. This person’s behavior has triggered you into the memory of a bad experience that you haven’t been able to clear up. Their behavior – including their style – reminds you so strongly of some unresolved situation from your past, that you get stuck in the experience in 1st gear.
You’re physically tired. There are things that “get on your last nerve” when you’re tired that you can handle more easily at other times. If you’re often on your last nerve when you interact with this person, it won’t take long to create a negative label for them.
You’re mentally tired. Some of us are more prone to emotion when we’re mentally tired (I’m one of them!). It can be more difficult to interact with someone who is annoying when you’re already prone to be more sensitive because you’re tired.
Step 3: Remember that “You bring about what you think about.” It’s important to pay attention to your thoughts.
Your behavior has an impact on those around you. 90% of the time a change in your behavior brings about a change in the person who annoys you so much. Being willing to get in 3rd Gear to identify the natural irritations caused by differences in communication style so that you can shift your behavior will eliminate most of the difficulties you have with other people.
There are only two mental obstacles that will keep you stuck in 1st gear and prevent you from using these strategies:
- If you have to win, the other person has to lose.
- If you have to be right, the other person has to be wrong.
Because you bring about what you think about, you can use 2nd Gear to eliminate these two obstacles.
- What could be true about this person’s behavior that makes sense to him or her?
- How could we both be win?
- How could we both be right?
Have a gorgeous October as you use these strategies to get past the behaviors that make you nuts!